I think not.
I think the evil little butterball was murdered.
And I know who did it.
Think about it... Falwell's outing of Tinky Winky in 1999 created a furor (not to be confused with the Fuhrer he created when his Moral Majority - which was neither - helped Ronald Reagan win the White House...) and led to the demise of the great 90's Supergroup known as the Teletubbies. Ultimately poor Tinky (who was humiliated by the allegations but never publicly denied them) lost everything... his family, his friends, his money, and his pride (get it? Pride? get it????). Then came the legendary "lost years" during which Tinky descended into a haze of drug and alcohol fueled self-destructive behaviour. For a while he was seen turning tricks behind a notoriously famous leather bar in San Francisco for money to support his all but crippling crystal meth addiction. There is the now infamous incident where Tinky, drunken out of his mind, heckled one of the Smothers Brothers during their standup act while wearing a tampon on his head. The poor guy was really messed up... I mean Tinky was utterly and totally destroyed by what Falwell did to him.
There are a couple of theories as to why Falwell outed poor Tinky. One theory says that Falwell was outraged by Tinky Winky and his friends use of the name "Teletubbies" as Falwell was not only one of the original Televangalists but also the first true teletubby (fat bastard that he was). The more accepted theory however, is that Rev. Falwell and Tinky had been having a secret affair for some time, but in late 1998 Tinky met a young Barney The Dinosaur and fell instantly head over heels in love. The two tried to keep their affair a secret but after several months, Falwell simply could no longer ignore the tabloid rumors and photos of Tinky and Barney out at all the big nightspots. In a jealous rage, he demanded Tinky immediately cut off all contact with Barney but Tinky refused, gathered his belongings from the Falwell mansion and moved into Barney's spacious uptown condo. The next morning Falwell was all over the news talking trash about poor Tinky... "He's purple... that's the color of the gays" and "He carries a purse... that's really gay" and "He has an upside down triangle on his head... that clinches it" and stuff like that. Falwell warned parents what a bad influence on their children (and society at large) this strange gay creature was and within days Tinky's endorsement deals had dried up (with the exception of a line of bizarre Tinky Winky clubwear and circuit party accessories), his agent and bandmates wouldn't return his calls and worst of all, Barney had kicked him out of the condo and was quickly distancing himself from Tinky. Tinky begged him to stay but Barney (also being a purple creature of questionable sexuality who worked with children) told Tinky he couldn't risk losing his dream of being a BIG STAR! And so, with that one terrible revelation, Falwell managed to destroy Tinky's life. Poor Tinky couldn't even retaliate by counter-outing him since Falwell had destroyed all evidence of their relationship, although there are rumors of a sizzling hot home sex movie floating around on the internet that they made together which showcases Tinky's "other enormous talent" as well as Falwell's unholy ability to accommodate Tinky's aforementioned talent. (And you thought Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson had it going on...)
In recent years, Tinky's drinking and drug acquaintances say he often ranted about "that fat bastard who ruined my life" and had vowed to get revenge on Falwell no matter what. It is being reported now that he had been sited wandering the streets of Lynchburg not far from Liberty University for the past several weeks, muttering to himself and cursing at stop signs.
So my theory is that Tinky stalked Jerry for a few days, learning his routine and then broke into his office and butt fucked Jerry Falwell all the way to hell. Go ahead... bring Tinky Winky in for questioning... see if he has an alibi. Check Falwell's body both outside and in any...uh...orifices for a slimy, salty, purple liquid of some type.
Tinky did it - and I am glad. Falwell was a tremendous dick of a human being with no compassion for (and no understanding of) people "not like him".
I'm glad the douchebag is gone and I'm not ashamed to say it. One more nail in the coffin of the nightmare known as "The Reagan Era"
So thanks Tinky, wherever you are!
You did good little purple dude!
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