In an earlier post I spoke about the beginning of the "hippie movement" and the anniversary of the Human Be-In and so forth. So exactly what did happen to the hippies? Where are all you good people? You didn't all die off like dinosaurs wiped out by an Ice Age. You couldn't possibly have all OD'd... I mean I know there were a lot of goooooood drugs around in your day but some of you had to have survived right? Many of you joined the "establishment" with the concept that the only way to effect real change was from the inside out. So what happened? You succeeded in the first part of the mission. You got inside. You established yourselves in positions of control and power. So again I ask what happened? My theory is you just got lost. Those cubicles in those corporate offices can all get to looking the same - it's completely understandable. It's like a maze... they build them that way on purpose actually. Kind of like casinos... once you are inside it's almost impossible to find you way out until you are bankrupt - financially or in this case morally. But you've still got a job to do and not much time left to do it with. Try to remember who you were - who you still are inside. Try to find your way home. It's time to make the dreams of yesterday the reality of today or at the very least the hope for a better brighter tomorrow.
Maybe you just got comfortable... that too is understandable. All those shiney material things that make life so much simpler for us all... even the daily routine we have fallen into... the mundane never changing existence... there is something undeniably comforting in these things, despite the underlying sinister and soul destroying emptiness and pointlessness that lays just below the comfort zzzzzzzzzone. It's not just a comfort zone you see... it's become a comfort zzzzzzzzzzone. We've all fallen asleep at the wheel because we have become too damned comfortable.
Either way the dream is dying and if we don't wake up this existence will become the accepted reality for the next generations that follow. Instead of expecting and fighting for what is best for all mankind they will settle for what is best for themselves.
Now is the time to let our freak flags fly again. All we have to do is remember where we put them.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Fighting The Dragon
This is a copy of a post I made today on the Hep C board on the website for The Grateful Dead's bass player Phil Lesh located at http://www.phillesh.com.
Well here I go on a journey I wasn't expecting and really really don't want to go on. But I'm already on the path and as I've always said "if you can't go over something or under it or around it then the only way is to go through it" so off I go. Seems I tested positive for Hep C about 2 years ago. Don't know for sure how I got it and it doesn't matter anyway the end result is still the same. Got no one but myself to blame and all that crap. So we've been tracking my numbers since I tested positive, hoping I might be one of those rare lucky ones who just beats it without treatment. No such luck... after a few minor drops the VL started climbing like my liver was Mt. freaking Everest and it HAD to make it to the top before winter set in. Annoying little bastards. If I could I would get a shrink ray gun and shrink myself down to their size and go in and kick their butts myself but I digress... We had good reason to hope I was going to be one of the lucky ones because I am a long term survivor of HIV (I got it back before it even had a name) and have a history of surviving and thriving through things that normal people don't. Great - so I'm not normal. How very wonderful lol. Again I digress. I do that a lot. Anyway... bottom line is the time has come and it's time to start THE TREATMENT. Ugh! Peg Infuron once a week and a bunch of pills every day (like I don't take enough freaking pills every day as it is because of the HIV). Swell. High probability I'll feel like crap for a couple of days after the shot EVERY FREAKING WEEK FOR 48 WEEKS. Oh joy! High probability my HIV numbers (which have been undetectable for years and years now) will go FREAKING NUTS! Wow... this is sounding more and more enticing all the time ain't it? Pretty good chance that the treatment will mess up my thyroid and other important organs I might be wanting to continue to use in the future. Yeeeehaaa! Decent chance that my hair may fall out too thanks to the treatment. AHA! I got that one beat... I ALREADY SHAVED MY HEAD!! SO THERE! NYAHHH...
The truth is that the chance of success with this treatment is not all that great even for healthy people... for a LTS of HIV (that's Long Term Survivor of AIDS for those of you who don't know - aka known as "F*CK AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD DUDE?") the chances of success are statistically very low. But like I said I've beaten a lot of odds this is just one more uphill battle I have to fight. The one thing I learned early on when I found out I had HIV was that your mental approach to things makes all the difference. I BELIEVED I would beat it and I did. All of my friends at the time who tested positive believed they would die. They all did. Every last one of them. I believe that I will beat HEP C just as I have beaten HIV (as well as it can be beaten anyway). To quote my boys "I WILL GET BY I WILL SURVIVE"
Despite that belief though I admit here to a group of people that I don't even know (even though in truth that's not entirely true - we have probably danced together and smiled to one another at show after show and in some ways our souls have touched) something that I can not admit to those closest to me - I am scared as hell. I think that however is a normal and healthy response and it won't keep me from the battle ahead. Worst case scenario is the side effects are so bad that I can't take it and I quit the treatment and put up with the side effects of the HEP C until some of the new treaments become available. Best case scenario is a year from now the treatment has worked the HEP C is gone my HIV is still undetectable and I'm back to the good life again.
But wait! NO LIE HERE - as I am sitting here writing this I get a call from my GI guy (he's one of the best and I'm lucky to have him treating me)... he's gotten the results from some tests I did last week (I've got a mental block against what they were named but it involved the consumption of a large quantity of that lovely beverage BARIUM and if I ever catch up with the douche who came up with that stuff he's gonna pay dearly...) and the results weren't so great. Aside from confirming that I am "full of shit" (something my friends have often asserted about me) the test results also indicated that I may have gall bladder trouble and it ("it" being the gall bladder") may have to come out before we can begin the HEP treatments. I don't know why but my response has been an hour of laughing non stop and marvelling at the absurdity of this all. I mean I have never been a drinker (which isn't too say I haven't had a drink once in a while or been drunk a couple of times but those times have been VERY rare in my life). I've never been an IV drug user. So what kind of sick joke is this that's being played on me here eh? I get it... it's funny but jeeeeez.... enough is enough already. I'm fairly sure the uncontrollable laughter I am experiencing is at the very least a sign of hysteria if not an indicator of the beginning of a full blown mental breakdown but I'm seeing enough doctors right now and there's no more room on my schedule for any more doctor appointments or any more space in my belly for any more pills. They'll just have to deal with the psychotic laughter...
Oh well... let the battle begin. I'm up for it. I just hope this stupid little virus knows what it's up against.
To all of you who are on or have already been down this path you are my inspirations and my heroes... to those of you who are at the start of this battle let's have at it... time's a wasting and time is something that should never be wasted. We can be each other's strength and the one's who have gone before us can mark our goaline and cheer us on to victory. We can all slay the dragon before us if we just believe and never give up.
Peace and thanks to you all for being my friends and family without ever even realizing it.
Oh and special thanks to Phil for creating a place like this for freaks like us... get well bud I need to see you and your friends playing again SOON!! In the early 90's before Jerry passed there were times when literally the only thing that kept me alive was knowing the Grateful Dead were coming to RFK and I HAD to be well enough to see you guys play at least one more time... your music revitalized me (and so many others )then just as it does now... so thanks for keeping me alive!
Well here I go on a journey I wasn't expecting and really really don't want to go on. But I'm already on the path and as I've always said "if you can't go over something or under it or around it then the only way is to go through it" so off I go. Seems I tested positive for Hep C about 2 years ago. Don't know for sure how I got it and it doesn't matter anyway the end result is still the same. Got no one but myself to blame and all that crap. So we've been tracking my numbers since I tested positive, hoping I might be one of those rare lucky ones who just beats it without treatment. No such luck... after a few minor drops the VL started climbing like my liver was Mt. freaking Everest and it HAD to make it to the top before winter set in. Annoying little bastards. If I could I would get a shrink ray gun and shrink myself down to their size and go in and kick their butts myself but I digress... We had good reason to hope I was going to be one of the lucky ones because I am a long term survivor of HIV (I got it back before it even had a name) and have a history of surviving and thriving through things that normal people don't. Great - so I'm not normal. How very wonderful lol. Again I digress. I do that a lot. Anyway... bottom line is the time has come and it's time to start THE TREATMENT. Ugh! Peg Infuron once a week and a bunch of pills every day (like I don't take enough freaking pills every day as it is because of the HIV). Swell. High probability I'll feel like crap for a couple of days after the shot EVERY FREAKING WEEK FOR 48 WEEKS. Oh joy! High probability my HIV numbers (which have been undetectable for years and years now) will go FREAKING NUTS! Wow... this is sounding more and more enticing all the time ain't it? Pretty good chance that the treatment will mess up my thyroid and other important organs I might be wanting to continue to use in the future. Yeeeehaaa! Decent chance that my hair may fall out too thanks to the treatment. AHA! I got that one beat... I ALREADY SHAVED MY HEAD!! SO THERE! NYAHHH...
The truth is that the chance of success with this treatment is not all that great even for healthy people... for a LTS of HIV (that's Long Term Survivor of AIDS for those of you who don't know - aka known as "F*CK AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD DUDE?") the chances of success are statistically very low. But like I said I've beaten a lot of odds this is just one more uphill battle I have to fight. The one thing I learned early on when I found out I had HIV was that your mental approach to things makes all the difference. I BELIEVED I would beat it and I did. All of my friends at the time who tested positive believed they would die. They all did. Every last one of them. I believe that I will beat HEP C just as I have beaten HIV (as well as it can be beaten anyway). To quote my boys "I WILL GET BY I WILL SURVIVE"
Despite that belief though I admit here to a group of people that I don't even know (even though in truth that's not entirely true - we have probably danced together and smiled to one another at show after show and in some ways our souls have touched) something that I can not admit to those closest to me - I am scared as hell. I think that however is a normal and healthy response and it won't keep me from the battle ahead. Worst case scenario is the side effects are so bad that I can't take it and I quit the treatment and put up with the side effects of the HEP C until some of the new treaments become available. Best case scenario is a year from now the treatment has worked the HEP C is gone my HIV is still undetectable and I'm back to the good life again.
But wait! NO LIE HERE - as I am sitting here writing this I get a call from my GI guy (he's one of the best and I'm lucky to have him treating me)... he's gotten the results from some tests I did last week (I've got a mental block against what they were named but it involved the consumption of a large quantity of that lovely beverage BARIUM and if I ever catch up with the douche who came up with that stuff he's gonna pay dearly...) and the results weren't so great. Aside from confirming that I am "full of shit" (something my friends have often asserted about me) the test results also indicated that I may have gall bladder trouble and it ("it" being the gall bladder") may have to come out before we can begin the HEP treatments. I don't know why but my response has been an hour of laughing non stop and marvelling at the absurdity of this all. I mean I have never been a drinker (which isn't too say I haven't had a drink once in a while or been drunk a couple of times but those times have been VERY rare in my life). I've never been an IV drug user. So what kind of sick joke is this that's being played on me here eh? I get it... it's funny but jeeeeez.... enough is enough already. I'm fairly sure the uncontrollable laughter I am experiencing is at the very least a sign of hysteria if not an indicator of the beginning of a full blown mental breakdown but I'm seeing enough doctors right now and there's no more room on my schedule for any more doctor appointments or any more space in my belly for any more pills. They'll just have to deal with the psychotic laughter...
Oh well... let the battle begin. I'm up for it. I just hope this stupid little virus knows what it's up against.
To all of you who are on or have already been down this path you are my inspirations and my heroes... to those of you who are at the start of this battle let's have at it... time's a wasting and time is something that should never be wasted. We can be each other's strength and the one's who have gone before us can mark our goaline and cheer us on to victory. We can all slay the dragon before us if we just believe and never give up.
Peace and thanks to you all for being my friends and family without ever even realizing it.
Oh and special thanks to Phil for creating a place like this for freaks like us... get well bud I need to see you and your friends playing again SOON!! In the early 90's before Jerry passed there were times when literally the only thing that kept me alive was knowing the Grateful Dead were coming to RFK and I HAD to be well enough to see you guys play at least one more time... your music revitalized me (and so many others )then just as it does now... so thanks for keeping me alive!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Be-In Again
Turn on
Tune in
Drop out
Today marks the 40th anniversary of the "Gathering of the Tribes for a Human Be-In" in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park... the event that ushered in the "Summer of Love" and the counter-culture movement of the late 1960's. Flower Power! Peace and Love! Woodstock (the cool one not the 2 ripoff sequels)! Civil Rights! TWIGGY!
So what the hell happened?
The assasinations of JFK, MLK, RFK, Malcom X, the war in Vietnam, the deaths of Jimi, Janis, and Jim Morrison, the breakup of The Beatles, Kent State, Charlie Manson, NIXON. You name it... everything went KABLOOOOIE in a big way. And with all that pressure on the roof, the house was bound to cave in so to speak. Everybody abandoned the GREATER DREAM for the GREAT AMERICAN DREAM. Instead of turning on, tuning in and dropping out they opted to turn OFF, tune OUT, and drop IN to the great illusion/delusion. They sold out so they could buy all the material things that screamed I'M A SUCCESS and I'M BETTER THAN YOU. They kept up with the Jones' at the expense of their beliefs and the good of the world and society around them. They sold out to convenience and excess. They sacrificed the dreams and hopes they had for a better society in return for a better life for themselves. Instead of playing the game they became the game. They became citizen comrades. They bought the government cheese and begged for more.
But there's still hope. Trapped inside of each and everyone of these corporate drones still lives an old hippie waiting to be reborn.
So QUESTION AUTHORITY! Not just today but everyday. Don't believe everything you are told. Don't believe everything you see. In fact don't believe ANYTHING you are told or see. Research for yourselves. THINK FOR YOURSELVES! Do it now while it's still legal.
Tune in
Drop out
Today marks the 40th anniversary of the "Gathering of the Tribes for a Human Be-In" in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park... the event that ushered in the "Summer of Love" and the counter-culture movement of the late 1960's. Flower Power! Peace and Love! Woodstock (the cool one not the 2 ripoff sequels)! Civil Rights! TWIGGY!
So what the hell happened?
The assasinations of JFK, MLK, RFK, Malcom X, the war in Vietnam, the deaths of Jimi, Janis, and Jim Morrison, the breakup of The Beatles, Kent State, Charlie Manson, NIXON. You name it... everything went KABLOOOOIE in a big way. And with all that pressure on the roof, the house was bound to cave in so to speak. Everybody abandoned the GREATER DREAM for the GREAT AMERICAN DREAM. Instead of turning on, tuning in and dropping out they opted to turn OFF, tune OUT, and drop IN to the great illusion/delusion. They sold out so they could buy all the material things that screamed I'M A SUCCESS and I'M BETTER THAN YOU. They kept up with the Jones' at the expense of their beliefs and the good of the world and society around them. They sold out to convenience and excess. They sacrificed the dreams and hopes they had for a better society in return for a better life for themselves. Instead of playing the game they became the game. They became citizen comrades. They bought the government cheese and begged for more.
But there's still hope. Trapped inside of each and everyone of these corporate drones still lives an old hippie waiting to be reborn.
So QUESTION AUTHORITY! Not just today but everyday. Don't believe everything you are told. Don't believe everything you see. In fact don't believe ANYTHING you are told or see. Research for yourselves. THINK FOR YOURSELVES! Do it now while it's still legal.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
OH YESSS NANCY!
Ok so I'm getting ready to go to sleep tonite and I make the horrible mistake of flipping on CNN to check in on my sex kitten Nancy Grace. I knew I shouldn't have. Nancy for me is like great porn is for a sex addict or maybe a cute altar boy is for a priest (I know I know... that was wrong wasn't it?). But nevertheless I did it. I've got a serious Nancy habit and it MUST BE FED! Chances are I won't be able to sleep tonight... I'm going to be having one major prolonged mental orgasm over this one...
Here's the story:
A woman in Orlando and her husband who have a young baby are breaking up. Husband and his brother are at the house getting some of the husband things. Wife is distraught(not to mention drunk). At some point the husband's brother asks the wife "where is the baby?". The wife doesn't respond. The husband and his brother quickly locate the GREASED BABY in a 400 degree oven in the kitchen. Baby is saved, wife is arrested, husband gets his stuff (I guess). But Nancy is on a RAMPAGE and that's when she really gets me HOT! Now Nancy has on her show an EXPERT in psychology who is trying to explain to the oh-so-indignant Nancy that this poor woman has a mental disorder. Nancy's response is to scream something about not understanding how this could be considered a "psychotic" reaction. The EXPERT tries to make Nancy understand that greasing up and trying to bake your baby is probably a pretty strong indicator of a psychotic episode but of course our Great Lady Nancy The Superior won't have any of it and eventually dismisses the expert altogether in favor of other unknown Yentas that share the same opinions that she does. I think Stepford is missing some of it's women... But it gets better. Then Nancy gets herself in a tizzy about the fact that this woman will be getting out of jail on a $1500 bond and that maybe she will try to cook and eat her baby again! "BUT", says Nancy, "before she gets out she will be getting a nice meal in jail of Turkey and Gravy and sweet potatoes and vegetables and even some sort of dessert!" My guess is Nancy was thinking to herself "How DARE they feed this horrible insane woman? She has a child all greased up and ready to eat when she gets home doesnt she?" Hmmmm... I wonder what the crazy lady used for seasoning the baby? (I know I know... that was wrong...)
Oh I soooooooo want to be that bitch Nancy Grace!
I need a tissue now...
Here's the story:
A woman in Orlando and her husband who have a young baby are breaking up. Husband and his brother are at the house getting some of the husband things. Wife is distraught(not to mention drunk). At some point the husband's brother asks the wife "where is the baby?". The wife doesn't respond. The husband and his brother quickly locate the GREASED BABY in a 400 degree oven in the kitchen. Baby is saved, wife is arrested, husband gets his stuff (I guess). But Nancy is on a RAMPAGE and that's when she really gets me HOT! Now Nancy has on her show an EXPERT in psychology who is trying to explain to the oh-so-indignant Nancy that this poor woman has a mental disorder. Nancy's response is to scream something about not understanding how this could be considered a "psychotic" reaction. The EXPERT tries to make Nancy understand that greasing up and trying to bake your baby is probably a pretty strong indicator of a psychotic episode but of course our Great Lady Nancy The Superior won't have any of it and eventually dismisses the expert altogether in favor of other unknown Yentas that share the same opinions that she does. I think Stepford is missing some of it's women... But it gets better. Then Nancy gets herself in a tizzy about the fact that this woman will be getting out of jail on a $1500 bond and that maybe she will try to cook and eat her baby again! "BUT", says Nancy, "before she gets out she will be getting a nice meal in jail of Turkey and Gravy and sweet potatoes and vegetables and even some sort of dessert!" My guess is Nancy was thinking to herself "How DARE they feed this horrible insane woman? She has a child all greased up and ready to eat when she gets home doesnt she?" Hmmmm... I wonder what the crazy lady used for seasoning the baby? (I know I know... that was wrong...)
Oh I soooooooo want to be that bitch Nancy Grace!
I need a tissue now...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
My Secret Indulgence
I have a deep dark secret that I can no longer keep inside... it's eating me alive and I can't take it anymore!
So here it goes... deeeeep breath...
I AM IN LOVE WITH NANCY GRACE!
I know it's wrong. I know I need help. Here I am a flaming liberal and yet I can't help but finding myself soooooooooo turned on by Nancy.
I can't help myself... she's just so deliciously self righteous and superior and opinionated and just perfectly evil. It's mesmerizing.
Late at night when everyone is asleep I like to spend some quiet time watching Nancy while I rub one out as she works herself into one of her supremely erotic frenzies while she attacks people who are mentally unbalanced, falsely accused, and generally just not as fortunate to have the upbringing and opportunities she has had in life.
Ohhhhhhhh Naaaaancy....PLEASE... just be a little more superior...I'M ALMOST THERE!!!
oh yeaaa that was good - now let me get a tissue and a bottle of whiskey to drown my shame in...
So here it goes... deeeeep breath...
I AM IN LOVE WITH NANCY GRACE!
I know it's wrong. I know I need help. Here I am a flaming liberal and yet I can't help but finding myself soooooooooo turned on by Nancy.
I can't help myself... she's just so deliciously self righteous and superior and opinionated and just perfectly evil. It's mesmerizing.
Late at night when everyone is asleep I like to spend some quiet time watching Nancy while I rub one out as she works herself into one of her supremely erotic frenzies while she attacks people who are mentally unbalanced, falsely accused, and generally just not as fortunate to have the upbringing and opportunities she has had in life.
Ohhhhhhhh Naaaaancy....PLEASE... just be a little more superior...I'M ALMOST THERE!!!
oh yeaaa that was good - now let me get a tissue and a bottle of whiskey to drown my shame in...
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Nice Apocalypse We're Having eh?
Recently I have been hearing a lot of people making comments like "Nice weather we're having" or "it's a beautiful day today" and so on...
It kind of creeps me out. You see I don't live in Florida or Hawaii or Southern California or any of those nice southern places where weather like this might be considered at least somewhat normal. I live in Washington DC. It's not April here. It's January 5th at 1 AM and the weather is in the MID 60's!
Mission control... I think we may have a problem. Something is amiss... Something has gone horrible awry here folks.
This isn't "nice weather" it isn't a "beautiful day" - the truth is it's F**KING FREAKY and if any of the people who say these things had any sense whatsoever they'd be hiding under their beds and praying to whatever GOD they believe in while they wait for it to start raining frogs outside. But nooooooo... instead they revel blindly in the newest signs of the impending environmental disaster that is about to reshape our planet. But hey at least we'll all have great tans for the apocalypse eh?
go here and learn something while you still can http://www.climatecrisis.net
It kind of creeps me out. You see I don't live in Florida or Hawaii or Southern California or any of those nice southern places where weather like this might be considered at least somewhat normal. I live in Washington DC. It's not April here. It's January 5th at 1 AM and the weather is in the MID 60's!
Mission control... I think we may have a problem. Something is amiss... Something has gone horrible awry here folks.
This isn't "nice weather" it isn't a "beautiful day" - the truth is it's F**KING FREAKY and if any of the people who say these things had any sense whatsoever they'd be hiding under their beds and praying to whatever GOD they believe in while they wait for it to start raining frogs outside. But nooooooo... instead they revel blindly in the newest signs of the impending environmental disaster that is about to reshape our planet. But hey at least we'll all have great tans for the apocalypse eh?
go here and learn something while you still can http://www.climatecrisis.net
Friday, January 05, 2007
New Year
Ok... so it's a NEW YEAR. I guess I should have some resolutions. Actually I have a few in mind but I am kind of on the fence as to how realistic they are and how serious I am about keeping them. It's not like I have a lot of bad habits anyway... I'm not overweight so losing a few pounds isn't on my list. I don't drink so ditto there. I'm not a smoker so nothing there. Really my biggest fault is I am lazy as hell and have been all my life. I don't really think that's going to change so that's not on the list. And besides, that's also a good excuse for putting off my resolutions for a while... actually I like to wait until somewhere near the end of the year to really commit to that year's Resolutions. That way I'm more likely to pick ones that I am less likely to break... after all if I've made it 3/4 of the way through the year without doing something I shouldn't or I have done something to better myself then I am probably not going to mess it up in the last couple of months of the year. It's a good policy and I am sticking with it.
Of course this has all been a joke... I don't DO New Year's Resolutions. Why should I? After all I am already perfect and why would I want to mess with that?
Maybe I should seek out a good shrink this year... lol
Of course this has all been a joke... I don't DO New Year's Resolutions. Why should I? After all I am already perfect and why would I want to mess with that?
Maybe I should seek out a good shrink this year... lol
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