Advice on Love

Love - avoid it at all costs.
It will mess you up.
It will hurt you.
It will leave you broken and confused and lost.
You're better off getting a kitten or puppy or turtle or something like that to channel your affection into.
Get a hobby.
Just don't fall in love.
It never turns out well. Even if (against the STAGGERING odds) you manage to stay together and keep loving each other without doing something unforgiveably stupid EVENTUALLY you will run out of things to talk about and will become so bored with each other that you will wish one of you would die... which eventually you will do.
Keep to yourself.
Don't make any direct eye contact with anyone.

It's out there and it's looking FOR YOU!

It's LOOOOOOOOOOVE - run for your lives!!!

This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the good people at Emotional Baggage Inc. - "Stuff your pain deep down in our bags"

DANGER

HEALTH ALERT!!

I am sorry to inform you that you may have contracted a newly discovered disease known as INTENETERRETS (aka known as Cyberticulitis or the more common street name Virtual Asshole Syndrome)

Do you now or have you ever felt the urge to do and/or say things online that you would otherwise never do and/or say in your every day life?

Do you post inappropriate pictures of yourself and/or of people you know on the web?

Have you ever created fake profiles with rude and/or slanderous and/or tasteless comments on Internet dating and/or hookup websites?

Do you spend countless hours in AOL chat rooms randomly attacking people creating so much disdain for you that you have been reported so many time that AOL has repeatedly kicked you off their service only to have you return with a similar screenname over and over again?

Do you currently or have you ever maintained a BLOG filled with inane rants that no one ever reads but that will eventually serve as SOLID LEGAL EVIDENCE of your insanity?

If you answered yes to any of these questions I am sorry to inform you that you are indeed infected. Unfortunately, as of this writing, there is no known cure for this terrible disease - but rest assured the world's top scientists and chemical engineers are hard at work at this very moment researching new drugs to control your symptoms... but not to find a cure of course (after all, finding a cure really wouldn't do much for their long term bottom line now would it?). Until then self-medication with whatever is handy is the only treatment available.

Best of luck to you in your battle.