Howdy pardners! Things is gettin mighty weird around these here parts... what with the new Congress and King George the Cowboy having a big ol showdown...
In response to King George's whinefest over Congress's passing of the bill that (hopefully) is finally going to bring an end to the aforementioned King's vendetta in Iraq (you tried to kill mah pappy now feel my wrath...), Nancy Pelosi (our brilliant Speaker of The House) said:
"Calm down with the threats... there's a new Congress in town..."
Oh my!! Someone in Congress who can actually speak the President's native language... Bad John Wayne Movie Cowboy-ese. I am so very impressed and excited! What a great moment in recent Amerikan History (misspelling intentional - I'll start using a "c" again when we start using the Constitution again ok?)... finally Congress has a translator who is fluent in the native language of the sitting President! Yeeeehaaaawwwwww!!!
At the same time it gives me a bit of the shivers though, I must admit. In the back of my head I am hearing that bad Cowboy showdown music (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly). I'm seeing visions of citizen's scooping up their children and scurrying off the streets into the nearest shuttered building where they begin to barricade themselves while tumbleweeds roll down the empty streets. The sun is hanging low in the sky... casting long, ominous shadows down... uhm.... Pennsylvania Avenue I guess. More showdown music... the shootout is imminent... the tension is heavy in the air. All I know is I'm headin to the Saloon for a drink...
Jesus H Christ... Washington DC has turned into a bad Western B-movie. Can we at least charge the rest of the world some sort of small fee for providing this kind of entertainment?
Oh wait... the rest of the world is already paying out the ass for our shenanigans aren't they?
Oooops... sorry... our bad.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The Idiot Bastard King
Ahhh... gotta love the idiocy of "King George W. Bush"...
except from an article printed yesterday about the new funding bill for the "war in Iraq" that speaks for itself to the total idiocy of the man running this war -
A House committee on Thursday approved the spending bill. It includes a troop withdrawal deadline of Sept. 1, 2008. It also requires that troops receive proper training, equipment and rest, although Bush is permitted to waive those provisions.
Bush said all of those "arbitrary and restrictive conditions" are unacceptable.
"These restrictions would handcuff our generals in the field by denying them the flexibility they need to adjust their operations to the changing situation on the ground," he said. "And these restrictions would substitute the mandates of Congress for the considered judgment of our military commanders
Great idea - I mean really , do our troops really need all that equipment and training and rest? Why hell that stuff is for WHIMPS and we ain't no whimps here in Amerika! Suck it up boyz!!
I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize to the entire world for Amerika's current rampage and would like to gently remind you that we didn't actually elect the dickhead in charge of the rampage. Oh and if possible could you maybe send help? After all we are being held hostage by an Idiot Bastard King...
except from an article printed yesterday about the new funding bill for the "war in Iraq" that speaks for itself to the total idiocy of the man running this war -
A House committee on Thursday approved the spending bill. It includes a troop withdrawal deadline of Sept. 1, 2008. It also requires that troops receive proper training, equipment and rest, although Bush is permitted to waive those provisions.
Bush said all of those "arbitrary and restrictive conditions" are unacceptable.
"These restrictions would handcuff our generals in the field by denying them the flexibility they need to adjust their operations to the changing situation on the ground," he said. "And these restrictions would substitute the mandates of Congress for the considered judgment of our military commanders
Great idea - I mean really , do our troops really need all that equipment and training and rest? Why hell that stuff is for WHIMPS and we ain't no whimps here in Amerika! Suck it up boyz!!
I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize to the entire world for Amerika's current rampage and would like to gently remind you that we didn't actually elect the dickhead in charge of the rampage. Oh and if possible could you maybe send help? After all we are being held hostage by an Idiot Bastard King...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Van Who?
Yet another news report that has me laughing like a hyena...
Van Halen, R.E.M. head into rock hall
03/12/2007 11:48 PM, AP
David Bauder
Two of the biggest rock bands of the 1980s took different paths to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Monday — indie favorites R.E.M. with a happy reunion and party band Van Halen with a fragmentary turnout.
Only Van Halen's second lead singer, Sammy Hagar, and ex-bass player Michael Anthony turned up for their induction. Guitarist Eddie Van Halen has just gone into rehab and original lead singer David Lee Roth stayed away in a tiff over what he would perform.
Hagar said he wished his bandmates could be there, but "it's out of our control."
"It's hard for Mike and I to be up here to do this, but you couldn't have kept me away from this with a shotgun," Hagar said.
It took less to keep Roth away. He stood up the hall, reportedly because he couldn't agree on what to sing with the band Velvet Revolver, which offered a tribute. Joel Peresman, president and CEO of the Hall of Fame, said Roth was offered a chance to sing a song of his choice with the house band. "The decision not to come was solely his, not ours."
Hagar and Anthony joined Velvet Revolver to sing "Why Can't This Be Love."
How funny is it that the only members of the band that showed up are guys that got kicked out of the band? Why wasn't Alex Van Halen there... I mean it would have been nice to have at least one REAL Van Halen there to accept the award. And who the hell invited Velvet Revolver to this debacle? Even more importantly why is Velvet Revolver being tapped to replace Van Halen on their recently cancelled tour? Is it really a good idea to replace a band that dropped out of a tour due to their leader being in rehab with a band whose singer is legendary for his addiction troubles and has his own wing at every rehab clinic in the country? Yes Scott Weiland I mean you... is Eddie really that much more messed up than Scott? YIKES!! Best bet is this tour will never happen...
Van Halen, R.E.M. head into rock hall
03/12/2007 11:48 PM, AP
David Bauder
Two of the biggest rock bands of the 1980s took different paths to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Monday — indie favorites R.E.M. with a happy reunion and party band Van Halen with a fragmentary turnout.
Only Van Halen's second lead singer, Sammy Hagar, and ex-bass player Michael Anthony turned up for their induction. Guitarist Eddie Van Halen has just gone into rehab and original lead singer David Lee Roth stayed away in a tiff over what he would perform.
Hagar said he wished his bandmates could be there, but "it's out of our control."
"It's hard for Mike and I to be up here to do this, but you couldn't have kept me away from this with a shotgun," Hagar said.
It took less to keep Roth away. He stood up the hall, reportedly because he couldn't agree on what to sing with the band Velvet Revolver, which offered a tribute. Joel Peresman, president and CEO of the Hall of Fame, said Roth was offered a chance to sing a song of his choice with the house band. "The decision not to come was solely his, not ours."
Hagar and Anthony joined Velvet Revolver to sing "Why Can't This Be Love."
How funny is it that the only members of the band that showed up are guys that got kicked out of the band? Why wasn't Alex Van Halen there... I mean it would have been nice to have at least one REAL Van Halen there to accept the award. And who the hell invited Velvet Revolver to this debacle? Even more importantly why is Velvet Revolver being tapped to replace Van Halen on their recently cancelled tour? Is it really a good idea to replace a band that dropped out of a tour due to their leader being in rehab with a band whose singer is legendary for his addiction troubles and has his own wing at every rehab clinic in the country? Yes Scott Weiland I mean you... is Eddie really that much more messed up than Scott? YIKES!! Best bet is this tour will never happen...
Priceless
I don't even know what to say about this story but when I stop laughing (if I ever do) I'm sure I will think of something...
Ambassador Recalled Amid Lurid Report
Conduct Called 'Unbecoming of a Diplomat'
Reuters
JERUSALEM (March 12) - Israel has recalled its ambassador in El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked with sex toys lying nearby in the yard of his official residence, Israeli media reports said on Monday.
A foreign ministry spokeswoman confirmed that the ambassador, Tsuriel Raphael, was recalled but offered no details. "The ministry sees his behavior as unbecoming of a diplomat," the spokeswoman said.
Israeli media reported that local police found Raphael in the yard of the official residence in San Salvador. The reports said he was drunk, naked, and bound and gagged with a rubber ball in his mouth and sex toys lying near him.
The foreign ministry spokeswoman said the incident took place two weeks ago.
"As soon as the episode was brought to attention of the foreign ministry it reacted and the ambassador was recalled to Israel. He is going to remain in Israel," she said.
Israel would seek another ambassador in El Salvador, an Israeli official said.
Now there's a goodwill ambassador!! And what an act to follow... I feel bad for his replacement...
Ambassador Recalled Amid Lurid Report
Conduct Called 'Unbecoming of a Diplomat'
Reuters
JERUSALEM (March 12) - Israel has recalled its ambassador in El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked with sex toys lying nearby in the yard of his official residence, Israeli media reports said on Monday.
A foreign ministry spokeswoman confirmed that the ambassador, Tsuriel Raphael, was recalled but offered no details. "The ministry sees his behavior as unbecoming of a diplomat," the spokeswoman said.
Israeli media reported that local police found Raphael in the yard of the official residence in San Salvador. The reports said he was drunk, naked, and bound and gagged with a rubber ball in his mouth and sex toys lying near him.
The foreign ministry spokeswoman said the incident took place two weeks ago.
"As soon as the episode was brought to attention of the foreign ministry it reacted and the ambassador was recalled to Israel. He is going to remain in Israel," she said.
Israel would seek another ambassador in El Salvador, an Israeli official said.
Now there's a goodwill ambassador!! And what an act to follow... I feel bad for his replacement...
Bad Writing 101
Ok... so howzabout a little break from the Long Strange Trip for a quick example of the kind of stuff that I notice every day that drives me freaking nuts?
Richard Jeni committed suicide a couple of days ago - here is a small excerpt from Sandy Cohen's AP article about the suicide and autopsy:
LOS ANGELES - An autopsy was performed Monday on comic Richard Jeni but the cause of his death won't be known for several weeks, according to the Los Angeles County coroner's office. Jeni died Saturday from a gunshot wound. He was 49.
"It was reported to us as a possible suicide," coroner's Capt. Ed Winter said Monday. He did not disclose what kind of weapon was used.
Ok... let's dissect this tiny little excerpt shall we? First sentence tells us Jeni is dead but the cause of death won't be known for several weeks. The VERY NEXT SENTENCE reads "Jeni died Saturday from a gunshot wound."
Uhm... do you see where I am going with this? I don't know about you but my head is starting to hurt already... not as bad as Jeni's but still...
Next sentence informs us that it was not disclosed what kind of weapon was used in the reported/suspected suicide.
I'm guessing (just guessing here... I'm no Sherlock Holmes or anything...) that the cause of death might have had something to do with the huge hole in his face/head that resulted from the GUNSHOT WOUND referred to in the first paragraph of the report. And I'd be brave enough to take it one step further and bet that the undisclosed weapon involved might just have been a GUN (once again just a guess based on the aforementioned sentence reading "Jeni died Saturday from a gunshot wound").
It had also been reported that Jeni's girlfriend was cooking him breakfast when he shot himself (or shoved the bullet into his skull with a hammer or whatever happened since the weapon used hasn't been disclosed and thusly we shouldn't assume it was a gun... maybe he pulled a Macguyver kind of thing with a rubber band, a paper clip, a straw and the bullet - we don't know for sure apparently).
So these questions beg to be asked:
Was Richard Jeni's girlfriend's cooking so incredibly bad that he felt suicide was the only way out of eating her swill without hurting her feelings? And if so couldn't he have just taken her to Denny's or something?
Is the LA Coroner's Office full of morons who need weeks to figure out that the huge hole the guy put in his head with the undisclosed weapon is what killed him? Are they covering something up... is this another JFK kind of thing? Back and to the left... back and to the left... Was Macguyver involved and that's why they can't disclose what the weapon was?
Or maybe does Sandy Cohen know something the coroner's office doesn't? Is she psychic? Where exactly was Sandy at the time of the alleged suicide? Does she have a solid alibi? What was her relationship with Jeni and how does she know all these things that the coroner's office doesn't? Shouldn't someone be interrogating her about now? (I'm kidding of course... OR AM I????)
Most importantly isn't there supposed to be Editor's who read this kind of crappy writing and (after reassembling their head's because the horrible writing made them explode) smack the stupid writer upside their heads?
Am I the only one noticing this kind of stupid shit or what?
By the way and just for the record I liked Jeni's comedy and it sucks that he's gone... this world needs as much humor and laughter as possible and Jeni's departure from our world leaves a silent void where a thunderous laugh should be.
Richard Jeni committed suicide a couple of days ago - here is a small excerpt from Sandy Cohen's AP article about the suicide and autopsy:
LOS ANGELES - An autopsy was performed Monday on comic Richard Jeni but the cause of his death won't be known for several weeks, according to the Los Angeles County coroner's office. Jeni died Saturday from a gunshot wound. He was 49.
"It was reported to us as a possible suicide," coroner's Capt. Ed Winter said Monday. He did not disclose what kind of weapon was used.
Ok... let's dissect this tiny little excerpt shall we? First sentence tells us Jeni is dead but the cause of death won't be known for several weeks. The VERY NEXT SENTENCE reads "Jeni died Saturday from a gunshot wound."
Uhm... do you see where I am going with this? I don't know about you but my head is starting to hurt already... not as bad as Jeni's but still...
Next sentence informs us that it was not disclosed what kind of weapon was used in the reported/suspected suicide.
I'm guessing (just guessing here... I'm no Sherlock Holmes or anything...) that the cause of death might have had something to do with the huge hole in his face/head that resulted from the GUNSHOT WOUND referred to in the first paragraph of the report. And I'd be brave enough to take it one step further and bet that the undisclosed weapon involved might just have been a GUN (once again just a guess based on the aforementioned sentence reading "Jeni died Saturday from a gunshot wound").
It had also been reported that Jeni's girlfriend was cooking him breakfast when he shot himself (or shoved the bullet into his skull with a hammer or whatever happened since the weapon used hasn't been disclosed and thusly we shouldn't assume it was a gun... maybe he pulled a Macguyver kind of thing with a rubber band, a paper clip, a straw and the bullet - we don't know for sure apparently).
So these questions beg to be asked:
Was Richard Jeni's girlfriend's cooking so incredibly bad that he felt suicide was the only way out of eating her swill without hurting her feelings? And if so couldn't he have just taken her to Denny's or something?
Is the LA Coroner's Office full of morons who need weeks to figure out that the huge hole the guy put in his head with the undisclosed weapon is what killed him? Are they covering something up... is this another JFK kind of thing? Back and to the left... back and to the left... Was Macguyver involved and that's why they can't disclose what the weapon was?
Or maybe does Sandy Cohen know something the coroner's office doesn't? Is she psychic? Where exactly was Sandy at the time of the alleged suicide? Does she have a solid alibi? What was her relationship with Jeni and how does she know all these things that the coroner's office doesn't? Shouldn't someone be interrogating her about now? (I'm kidding of course... OR AM I????)
Most importantly isn't there supposed to be Editor's who read this kind of crappy writing and (after reassembling their head's because the horrible writing made them explode) smack the stupid writer upside their heads?
Am I the only one noticing this kind of stupid shit or what?
By the way and just for the record I liked Jeni's comedy and it sucks that he's gone... this world needs as much humor and laughter as possible and Jeni's departure from our world leaves a silent void where a thunderous laugh should be.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
The Long Cold Ugly 80's
So as the 70's came to a sad, whimpering end the world around us was changing drastically. Jimmy Carter admitted to having "sinned in his heart" in a Playboy Interview and was still elected President. That's how strongly the Nation had turned against the Republican Party. The mere idea of a Presidential Candidate giving an interview to Playboy magazine was fairly risky in a political sense but then to admit to "being a sinner" (even if only in his heart) should have been a death blow to his candidacy. But it wasn't. And for the record let me say I liked Carter and still do to this day. He was a good man who had the great misfortune to become President at a very bad moment in history. The Iran Hostage Crisis changed everything. Had President Carter's rescue mission been successful he would have been hailed as a hero and won re-election by a landslide and in all likelihood this country would be on a drastically different path than it is today. Unfortunately the rescue plan was doomed and so too was President Carter's chances at re-election as well as this country's hopes of becoming a shining beacon of democracy and freedom. The 80's were ushered in with the election of an aged ex-actor (and a bad one at that) Republican with strong ties to the Right Wing Conservative factions that would take control of Amerika's (no longer to be spelled with a C anymore) foreign and domestic policy the second Reagan took the Oath of Office.
Anyway... by the time the 80's had rolled around my father and brother were gone, leaving me and my mother alone. Dad would bring money by once a week for bills and groceries and such but otherwise was out of the picture despite the fact that he and my mother never legally separated. Mom had been in and out of the hospital but had more or less stabilized and had quit smoking for good. For a few years we had a relatively normal life. I graduated from high school in 1982 and since college wasn't really an option (both for financial reasons and the responsibility I had to take care of my mother) I began working. At the same time I had come out of the closet... well not exactly. You see, I had been in what I thought was a pretty discrete relationship with a boy I had met a year earlier. After about a year together he dumped me for my best friend - a girl I worked with. I was broken hearted having lost both my lover and best friend in one blow and fell into a deep depression. My mother called me into her room one day and flat out told me that she knew about me and my friend's relationship and wanted to know what happened. After telling her the whole story she had me call a friend from high school who was very obviously gay and asked him to show me where the gay bars were and get me laid. I kid you not. My mom was very very cool. Unfortunately, within 2 years her health declined to the point where she was hospitalized and put on a ventilator to help her breathe. She was in the hospital for several months and almost died a couple of times as we tried unsuccessfully to ween her from the ventilator. Her lungs were too far gone though and she spent the remainder of her life hooked to that machine. At that time it was unheard of for a patient on a ventilator to be taken care of at home due to the amount of attention and care vent patients required. I was told she would have to be placed in a nursing home and the only nursing home even remotely nearby was on the Eastern Shore of Maryland - a good 2 - 3 hours away. My mother and I both refused and gave the hospital folks two options - teach me how to care for her and arrange for supportive visiting nurses and let me take her home to live OR disconnect the ventilator and let me take her home to die. I spent the next couple of months learning how to suction the fluids from her lungs through the tracheotomy, monitor the machine settings and "bag" her with a hand held air pump in case the machine were to fail. Heavy stuff to be sure but I didn't even think about it that way really. I just wanted my mom home. My mom was one tough cookie. She survived until 1995 with the beeps and wooshing sounds of that machine her constant companion.
It was somewhere around this same time that I tested positive for HIV. By this time HIV was known about but still somewhat of an enigma - no one knew how it was transmitted and for the most part it was a death sentence. When I tested positive I was told my immune system was in pretty bad shape and the doctor's believed that I had contracted it several years prior to testing positive. I wasn't really all that surprised. I had been sexually active since my early teens and had done a little bit of stripping and hustling so the chances were pretty good the test was going to come back positive.
Well... I continued on this posting here and wrote a very long concise timetable of the events of the 80's but guess what?
I hit publish post and my post disappeared entirely. No auto save, no backup, no nothing. Again I say Blogger sucks ass sometimes. Too bad - I had some good quotes and original phrases in there that there is no way I will ever remember now.
Thanks Blogger you are a real pal.
Anyone know of a more reliable blog site that won't censor the fuck out of me?
Anyway... by the time the 80's had rolled around my father and brother were gone, leaving me and my mother alone. Dad would bring money by once a week for bills and groceries and such but otherwise was out of the picture despite the fact that he and my mother never legally separated. Mom had been in and out of the hospital but had more or less stabilized and had quit smoking for good. For a few years we had a relatively normal life. I graduated from high school in 1982 and since college wasn't really an option (both for financial reasons and the responsibility I had to take care of my mother) I began working. At the same time I had come out of the closet... well not exactly. You see, I had been in what I thought was a pretty discrete relationship with a boy I had met a year earlier. After about a year together he dumped me for my best friend - a girl I worked with. I was broken hearted having lost both my lover and best friend in one blow and fell into a deep depression. My mother called me into her room one day and flat out told me that she knew about me and my friend's relationship and wanted to know what happened. After telling her the whole story she had me call a friend from high school who was very obviously gay and asked him to show me where the gay bars were and get me laid. I kid you not. My mom was very very cool. Unfortunately, within 2 years her health declined to the point where she was hospitalized and put on a ventilator to help her breathe. She was in the hospital for several months and almost died a couple of times as we tried unsuccessfully to ween her from the ventilator. Her lungs were too far gone though and she spent the remainder of her life hooked to that machine. At that time it was unheard of for a patient on a ventilator to be taken care of at home due to the amount of attention and care vent patients required. I was told she would have to be placed in a nursing home and the only nursing home even remotely nearby was on the Eastern Shore of Maryland - a good 2 - 3 hours away. My mother and I both refused and gave the hospital folks two options - teach me how to care for her and arrange for supportive visiting nurses and let me take her home to live OR disconnect the ventilator and let me take her home to die. I spent the next couple of months learning how to suction the fluids from her lungs through the tracheotomy, monitor the machine settings and "bag" her with a hand held air pump in case the machine were to fail. Heavy stuff to be sure but I didn't even think about it that way really. I just wanted my mom home. My mom was one tough cookie. She survived until 1995 with the beeps and wooshing sounds of that machine her constant companion.
It was somewhere around this same time that I tested positive for HIV. By this time HIV was known about but still somewhat of an enigma - no one knew how it was transmitted and for the most part it was a death sentence. When I tested positive I was told my immune system was in pretty bad shape and the doctor's believed that I had contracted it several years prior to testing positive. I wasn't really all that surprised. I had been sexually active since my early teens and had done a little bit of stripping and hustling so the chances were pretty good the test was going to come back positive.
Well... I continued on this posting here and wrote a very long concise timetable of the events of the 80's but guess what?
I hit publish post and my post disappeared entirely. No auto save, no backup, no nothing. Again I say Blogger sucks ass sometimes. Too bad - I had some good quotes and original phrases in there that there is no way I will ever remember now.
Thanks Blogger you are a real pal.
Anyone know of a more reliable blog site that won't censor the fuck out of me?
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